The Power of Forgetting Read online

  ‘Are we to expect more of the same?’ he shouted as we ran into the service station.

  We arrived at my house at four. Sam was dropping us off and staying in a local inn. Janey and Davey were arriving on the train the following day. As for the rest of the “team” some couldn’t make it this time. And it was decided that Sam would be our link person if help was needed. I guess I was excited by the news. There were strange readings popping up around the place. And it might have something to do with… well everything. I guessed that Mr Rimmington wasn’t done with us lot yet, but this might be enough to tempt him out into the open. We had to work out who was doing it, before they did. Research, Janey says, is the noblest cause after saving lives. I think that research is useful… but inspiration can also be equally valuable. I find myself in the lounge of our house…well, my parent’s house. I came for two days at Christmas but I had not thought to come up so soon…. not until the summer. Sam and Marcia have gone to find the others. I felt suddenly very confused, and sat down in the nearest chair thinking… Why am I here?

  I heard her voice before I saw her. That light step in the hall; light but firm. She is looking so lovely…. Dark hair framing her face and snaking down her back. She is in pale primrose yellow, one of her favourite colours.

  I stood up, Marcia was just behind her. She came towards me and hugged me tightly; she is my mother…and I had forgotten how much I missed her.

  ‘Jared…. I’m so glad you’re here.’ She drew back and looked at me. She has a very expressive face, and can speak with her eyes. She’s saying something now…. it’s that enquiring look What has happened Jared? I know something is different about you.

  ‘Mum…. I really missed you. I hugged her again and lifted her off the floor spinning her round.

  ‘Oh! Let me down. Your sister is here.’ Mother raised an eyebrow. A warning perhaps Behave yourself Jared!

  ‘Karis?’ I said with a squeak of surprize.

  ‘Come now… you be good to your sister Jared, please.’

  ‘Mum…I’m fine. I want to see her. I really do!’

  She spun round and looked into my eyes. She was very still, looking at me. It reminded me of Heelio in Summerland. There was a patient watchfulness in her face. I realised I had seen it before; many times.

  ‘Well Jared…. I believe you do.’ She said at last. We’ll talk more later; her eyes were saying.

  ‘Is Dad here?’ I asked.

  ‘He’s with Karis.’ She said. She looked at Marcia, ‘Come into the kitchen. Both of you… I have been doing some uncharacteristic baking…. Karis has been muckying pots and pans all afternoon. It’s a good job her friend is here.

  ‘Friend?’ I said suspiciously, ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘You’ll see.’

  ‘Yes Mum.’

  ‘Call me Laura,’ she said to Marcia, ‘I really hate to be turned into a person with no name.’

  ‘What do Jared and Janey normally say?’ Marcia was being awfully subdued. I think that we were getting on so well that she was preparing for some kind of initiation. After what I told her… it was perhaps inevitable in a way.

  Laura laughed at being so questioned.

  ‘I’m still the same person inside, as I always was. You will find that there are some things in this family that go right out the window at the nearest opportunity. I prefer my name… but Jared has a little difficulty with that. You will understand when Leo gets back with Karis.’

  ‘I err… can I help you?’ said Marcia, and then directly to me, ‘you go find them, I’ll stay here.’

  I wandered out into our huge untidy garden. I felt better now, and the sky was clearing. This was like the Summerland place. I thought about the fields of silver flowers, and was stung with a longing to see them again, in a way that took my breath away. I caught sight of Karis then. She is petite like Janey, perhaps slightly taller. She has darker blondish hair that curled in an untidy torrent; sort of a natural messiness that I would love to try to paint. But she is always doing something, and probably wouldn’t sit still long enough. She has a distant amused manner; and is one of the few people I know who, as an adult actually loves ice cream. She lives on the east coast and makes her way as an illustrator and craft artist. She makes jewellery and does hand weaving. And as far as I know has made it her business to avoid men in general, and certain people in particular. So the news that she has a “friend” with her has got me intrigued.

  I can see Leo then. He’s a big man, rather like Oliver, but very tall, so he is in proportion, and seems a giant next to most people. Leo has a crown of natural blonde curls like a halo and the most hypnotic eyes; sort of blue-green. I am quite in awe of him. He is everything that I think I should be, but woefully I am not. He looks like a mythological Greek god, as if he had done a sitting for a carving in marble. His manner is oddly arcane. But there are reasons for that. It is not anything I can say to anyone without both my parents’ permission. We are on the edge of a war zone you see. Not one that most people would recognise. Our house is a strongly guarded place. This afternoon it is peaceful and hums with the bees and the other sounds of summer. I want to run towards him. But instead I stand feeling a little sulky and shy. Karis and my father together. It is quite too much. I always forget this bit of coming home. There is a mental adjustment to be made very time. It is not to do with normal stuff… but what Janey has called for a while now “Supernormal”. I think it’s a good word. Laura is a person with her own dark secrets. She has a history that is as rich and as extraordinary as this tale I’m telling you. We are all story tellers. My father has more stories inside his head that he would care to count. He is someone who you cannot simply introduce to people without preparing them first. Leo has trouble with some aspects of our modern life. And the reason will become clearer. But switching from one state of being to another is why it is like that. I’m sorry for being cryptic. There is no other way to say it except by going into explanations of a forbidden kind. I wish I could just say. But the lock in my mind silences me on that front too. It is like wearing metal bracelet cuffs all the time. You know they are there, but after a while you no longer register their presence. I want to be normal…. And yet as I watch them walking in the garden, I feel so thankful that I know these people and I am part of who they are. I am Leo’s only son. And it still feels strange to think it because of whom and what he is.

  They are near to me now.

  ‘Jared.’ They both say, at almost exactly the same time.

  Karis comes forward first and embraces me. Unlike Janey she is ladylike and concerned.

  ‘I’ll see you at dinner.’ She whispers; and kisses me on the cheek before disappearing into the house.

  I go toward my father. He seems to be hanging back.

  ‘Walk with me.’ He says.

  So we fall into step and go down a little brick path and past some fruit bushes so we are out of sight of the house. Leo has his hands clasped together. I know that gesture. It is a sign that he has only recently arrived back from his trip. He is… well different when he is working. My mother can be around him whatever his state of mind. But I think that Janey and I are finding it rather taxing. I want to be like him but now I really want him to forgive me for not making the effort of get up so often. I mean… it isn’t as if I don’t have a car.

  ‘Forgive me Jared….’ He is wringing his hands as if he is trying to get a grip on something that isn’t just physical. They are all there; the freaks and the geeks. There’s room for everyone. The delicate balance of things, of their nature.

  ‘…. forgive me for stepping in.’ he said.

  ‘What on earth do you mean?’ I was unnerved by Leo being so flimsy apparently.

  ‘Take my hands Jared Jay Arden.’ He said, and this time I see something almost straight away. Leo is surprized.

  ‘Will you clear your mind?’ he said to me, ‘And then let me unlock everything.’

  ‘Yes.’ I whisper. There must be a reason why he wants to check
how it is with me so soon. I submit with total trust. Leo can do this because he has the power over people who are very strong and very scary. And thankfully they are mostly working for him. I’ve hardly ever met them. But that is just the way of it.

  ‘We will stand here.’ He said, ‘and I want you to let go completely. Let it fall like a snow shower to the ground.’

  And then I feel the ten patterns just crumble apart one after the other. I am completely free floating. I can feel it inside my mind. He has his hands on my shoulders. We stand there in the quiet part of the garden. No one will disturb us. I try to reach out to him in my mind. But I feel a curtain of resistance. I just let him search me then. It is not deep. But the bond of kinship allows this to be as caring as possible. I was certainly surprized then to find us both sat on a bench.

  ‘What happened?’ I asked.

  ‘You just made your first controlled jump.’ He said.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Don’t be alarmed… you are safe with me… you know it.’

  He folds each pattern back into itself again. Very smoothly my mind is calmed again. And we sit a few inches apart until those two or three minutes have passed.

  ‘Do you want to go anywhere?’ he asked me.

  ‘Not right now, but tell me what did you mean?’

  ‘I wanted to explain why I sent Davey to you,’ he said, ‘I’m sorry…’

  ‘But Davey wanted to come.’ I said, ‘he found me and… well I couldn’t have come back if it wasn’t for him.’

  Leo stared out across the garden deep in thought; ‘we are safe here,’ he looked at me again, his eyes were troubled, ‘but I think what I did brought in the wolves.’

  I thought of the universal tag then. It had been switched off…. but we were drawing them out. I had been ready to let Rimmington take me. Now I wasn’t sure why.

  ‘You don’t need to explain what happened,’ Leo said, ‘reports came back… in a roundabout way.’

  ‘What did you do?’

  ‘I sent a messenger to your friend. I had to help him. He would have gone anyway. But he needed to believe in himself. And he needed an insight on how to defeat Mr Alexander.’

  ‘You seem to treat them as two different things.’ I said, ‘I’m confused.’

  ‘There is Rimmington the man. And there is Mr Alexander the…. Well I can’t say really….it could be one of a number of things;’ Leo lowered his voice, ‘I really do worry about you. And I hope you don’t think I’m trying to stop you being independent.’

  ‘No. Of course not. I always want you to tell me things….to give me advice. I know I’m not like you…’ I broke off unable to speak. I wasn’t nothing compared to my father. He was…well, quite extraordinary. I was glad that I hadn’t disappointed him.

  ‘I think,’ said Leo, ‘We are quite at cross purposes. You and I, we both are together on this… but everything is trying to divide us. We are in need of some peace of mind. Laura seems to think that you ought to spend some time with Karis. And this time I agree…. But then that is up to you.’

  I looked away. Did my resolve that seemed so bright and certain the other day, have the power to make me face the thing I feared the most… myself?

  ‘I’m scared Dad… I’m very frightened.’ I paused and breathed in and out to slow my rising anxiety, ‘I don’t want to let out a monster. I don’t want to get lost in the power that might be inside me. I still don’t know how to control it.’

  Leo regarded me with such compassion. His eyes were smiling, kind and full of that same life. ‘You are seriously underestimating yourself,’ he said, ‘you have not failed. You made one mistake when you were a child. It is not the whole story.’

  ‘But how do I stop making mistakes?’

  ‘It’s a learning process. Mistakes are an inevitable part of the whole thing.’

  ‘So what did I do?’

  ‘I think,’ here he looked up as if he had heard something, ‘I believe that you have to find your own level; to make peace with yourself. But let people in… the ones you love. Let them in Son…. they are here for a reason. And you have heart that is bigger and wiser than that mind of yours, which is scattering its stray patterns all over the place. Be kind; to yourself, please. And if you will, be with us more….and bring Marcia.’

  ‘You do like her?’

  ‘She is that One in a Million-million.’ Leo touched me lightly on the chest then, ‘In there you know. But in here…’ here he put his hand on my forehead, ‘you doubt… I can see that. Don’t reject her Jared. I know what it is to bend to another. But do this willingly. We all have difficulties to keep in mind. But let you heart be certain and true.’ He touched my chest again then. I felt a warmth flow through me. I felt completely peaceful and sat back on the bench. Leo turned back to the garden.

  ‘It’s so beautiful here.’ He said and fell silent after that.

  Karis was bashing dough on the kitchen table, with a floured board in front of her. There was a wonderful smell of baking.

  ‘No you don’t!’ she said, when she saw me eyeing up the pastries that were cooling on a rack, ‘You can’t wait for it.’

  ‘What are you making?’

  ‘Spelt bread, with olives.’

  ‘Roman bread?’

  ‘Very good. You are obviously taking an interest in the more important things.’

  ‘Baking?’

  ‘Marcia.’ She stopped and looked at me to see my reaction.

  ‘I’m falling for her.’ I said. Karis was the one person I could be that obvious with.

  ‘No you aren’t… you’ve already fallen; and gone splat!’ she laughed and put the dough in a bowl to rise. ‘I know that look… I just do. It was the same as Laura and Leo….’ she trailed off and looked a way for a moment. It was often like this. Karis was, to all intents and purposes, my Mother’s closest friend and confidant. But that made it odd for Janey and me. Karis talked quite naturally about them in that way. It was what she had always known. But she tried not to say things like that to us. It’s was always a little difficult to know what to do.

  ‘Laura and Leo,’ I said, ‘are quite the soppy romantics under all that exotic layers of peculiarity. I really think Laura is looking fantastic today.’

  Karis rolled her eyes with surprise, as if I just told her I had started knitting as a hobby.

  ‘I see that Marcia has effectively scrambled all the connections in your brain today. So I am grateful to her. Do carry on my dear Jared. I Love the new you.’

  ‘I Love you too Arty Girl.’

  Karis smiled at my use of her old nick name, and went back to hob top to melt some chocolate.

  We all had dinner encircling the big table in the main front room. Sam was there too. Leo had put him next to the open window and given him a ceramic ashtray. Marcia came up to me looking flushed.

  ‘Darling!’ she exclaimed, ‘I adore you. I think I’ll have another one of these!’

  ‘Marcia… what have you been drinking?’ I examined the glass; an unnamed cocktail. Karis really had swept in and created some of her special magic. I didn’t know what it was called but I thought perhaps it had at least a double measure in it from the way Marcia was reacting.

  ‘How many of these have you had?’

  ‘This is the second one… I think.’

  ‘Let’s eat dear Eve. Then I will kiss you without fear of being too intoxicated.’

  ‘I’m not intoxicated… intoxicating enough Jay?’ She slid her arm around me and pulled me close. She was warm and musky and her glittering eyes were close to mine. She reached into my mouth with her tongue and passed me a piece of fruit. I dissolved into her then, feeling the tension go. The hollow feeling was replaced with hunger. We hadn’t eaten since this morning. That was perhaps why she was so giddy.

  She carried on kissing me. She was sweet like peaches and wine. And scented like flowers at midnight. I began to feel quite a different sensation of hunger. I drew back from her slightly. We were in separate rooms
. I was wondering if this was the time to break the barrier. I had waited for her to take what she wanted. Marcia was not a woman who could be physically resisted with ease. She was very strong, and had the statuesque build of a warrior woman. Adam had remarked that she would look good in tight leather and carrying a sword. But then he did watch a lot of those kinds of films.

  ‘You better sit down Jay.’ She whispered, and kissed me again, ‘I wouldn’t want to have Karis tutting at me for being a bad girl!’

  ‘You’re beautiful…. Let’s go outside.’

  ‘Not now. I have to help in the kitchen in a minute.’

  ‘You could just ask me to leave the room.’ Sam remarked. We both turned, having forgotten he was there. He blew smoke rings into the air.

  ‘I think that’s my signal.’ Marcia said and swayed round the furniture out of the room.

  ‘Magnificent woman!’ said Sam appreciatively.

  ‘You think so.’

  ‘I do,’ He prodded a finger in my direction, ‘Just get her wedded and bedded as soon as you can. I’m really in need celebrating something good for a change.’

  I didn’t know what to say to that, so I took Marcia’s advice and just sat down.

  Dinner was the most pleasingly relaxed affair. Karis and my Mother were bringing in quite a few trays and dishes. We helped ourselves to whatever took our fancy. Leo poured wine for those who wanted it. I swirled the glowing purplish liquid round the glass. I felt oddly light. I was eyeing up the “Friend” who had come with Karis. Sam was talking to Leo at some length. I couldn’t make out what they were saying.

  Karis’ friend was a guy who wore a shirt and tie that had been crumpled with use. He still had his sleeves rolled up from earlier and his tie was over the back of the chair. He had quite watchful eyes. My mother had told me just before he came in that he was David Morel… beyond that I didn’t know anything. He had dark floppy hair that he periodically brushed away from his face. He seemed to like to keep everyone in his eye line at all times. He tended to turn around in the chair if anyone walked behind him. I hadn’t actually met him properly yet. I was trying to work out why my sister had so favoured him that he should be invited today. He had an easy, winning manner with people and later I found was a fan of word games. I glanced at the scrabble board on the shelf.